allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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