so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
