I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
