I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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