God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
