I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize