I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
