dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I wish i was in the wii world.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
false alarm, still single
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
