we're blogging at a bar
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
