I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
So. Much. Porn.
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