my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
