You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
