I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
