Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
