I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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