How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
