I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
