just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
