yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
