worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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