I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
