after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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