I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
