It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
