I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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