What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
