can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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