last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
