What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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