fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
