Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We just shotgunned beers for America
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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