Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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