do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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