the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
