Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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