the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize