I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
