i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
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update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
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is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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