Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
