So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
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Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
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Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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