please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
