Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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