I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
