Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
