the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Randomize
