Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
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