i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
