I want to stick my p in your. b.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
