Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
And my parents said I crawled through the house
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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