I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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