Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
organizing the empties. That sober.
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My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
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I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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