This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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