i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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