My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
