you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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