Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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