This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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