I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
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