The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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