that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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