it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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