i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
