i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
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