i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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