Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
When did angry sex become our thing?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Randomize
