she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I love having hate sex.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
