I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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