is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
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