Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
