I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
