Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
