Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Randomize
