I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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